Girls, Girls, Girls

Last weekend was Maliah's bachelorette party, which was an extravaganza at her mom's house in Phoenix, AZ. I arrived Friday evening after an extremely fast and easy plane ride from Los Angeles. About 20 girls or so descended on the house for the festivities, and they had prepared with numerous air mattresses, copious amounts of liquor, and LOTS of guacamole. Friday night was spent coordinating the airport pick-ups for all the girls, and meeting and greeting for those of us who had not met before. The moment I stepped into her mothers kitchen (of her gorgeous 5 bedroom 5 1/2 bath house), a margarita was thrust in my hands. I should have known that the night was going to end up bad when my food options were a flour tortilla with quac and salsa inside, and some berries. You would think I would have slowed my drinking knowing nothing was really in my stomach to absorb it, but I soldiered on consuming 2 margaritas, and then switching to vodka cranberry which is always a dumb move. I ended up calling Denise from the couch in her mother's living room, and then just never got up. I woke up there the next morning with a random blanket over me, and another girl asleep in the chair next to the couch. It was a bangin way to begin the weekend.

Saturday we all headed to the pool. Some sat in the sun, while others (like myself) stayed under the shady shelter. I was a bit hung over, and so tired because all the margarita mix in my body woke me up at like 8:15 that morning. Someone brought out champagne, but I couldn't even think about alcohol at that point, and only wanted some food. I was STARVING. I went back to the kitchen and found a large container of veggie burgers. I microwaved one for myself and topped it with, once again, quac and salsa. It tasted so good and helped to ease the rumbling and gurgling in my stomach. I hung in for a bit longer, but finally at 2:30 I went for a nap knowing there was a fun-filled night ahead, and I needed to be conscious. Maliha woke me at around 5:00 to let me know the live singer had arrived. Yes, we had live entertainment. Maliha's mother, Karen, had been at a charity event in Phoenix, and this man had entered himself in the auction, saying he would come to your house and play live music. I guess no one was really bidding, so her mom bid out of sympathy, and low and behold, won. What better occasion to have this man come and play his acoustic tunes than a bachelorette party. Honestly, I enjoyed his renditions of Paul Simon, John Denver, and other easy listening artists, and I MUCH preferred it to the live entertainment that came next.

From what I gathered, the story was Maliha did not really want a stripper, but her friends wanted her to get one. So, she made all these ridiculous requirements for the stripper she did want, knowing it would be near impossible to find. He must be attractive, be intelligent, be able to carry on a conversation, etc. Well, her friends told her later they had found this man (although I'm still not convinced he met these demands ). I was told he is not really a stripper, but is a "male model," cute and knows stuff about NASA. Do not ask me, I was not involved in this process. The guy shows up, and it's pretty awkward. He looks like a douche to me (Hollister type t-shirt, true-religion jeans, and white loafers, ugh) and I doubt he knows a lot about NASA, but I never confirmed this suspicion. Then, someone announces we are going to draw him... at this point I realize I'm in some straight girl nightmare, and I cannot run (ok, that's dramatic, but I should have been more drunk at this point than I was). He takes off his clothes, except for a small bedazzled g-string, and wouldn't you know it, he has a BELLYBUTTON RING!! Every person I have told this too, automatically says gay, but I think he's just that much more of a douche.... I have no other words. Maliha sits next to him on the couch and I think attempted to have a conversation while he is lounging in his pose, but she is pretty much slurring at this point so who knows what was said/understood. I love drunk Maliha, it provides for so much comedy and memories.

After the "drawing," the music starts to play and he proceeds to do very awkward lap dances for the girls. Oh, I forgot to mention he won't allow any pics because he doesn't want these on the internet because they might hurt his "modeling career." hahaha! I can only laugh. It was so weird because he's just some dude, who's not a stripper, pretending to be a stripper, but is doing it really badly. When it was finally all over, and someone announced the cabs were there to pick us up, I was so relieved and thankful that I had avoided being shoved into that lap dance chair. The cabs took us to Scottsdale, an area in Phoenix that is packed with bars/clubs. We bar hopped, drank, danced, and everyone was having a pretty good time, but when we decided to enter a 3rd club, poor Maliha was stopped at the door. The guard saw her staring at him with those glazed over eyes, swaying back and forth, and decided she looked drunk off her ass (and he was right). I guess he asked her if she was drunk, and all she could do was say yes because at this point, there was no sense in trying to deny it. It was awesome. After everyone found out Maliha was being held outside, most of us decided to just go home. Most people had been drinking pretty much all day, and had reached their max capacity of alcohol. People raided the kitchen when we returned (I of course had quac and salsa), and then passed out various places around the house. I actually made it to my bed that night, so I was proud.

Sunday morning people emerged slowly from their sleeping nooks, and you could tell that everyone had lost their steam. It was time to go home. People gathered according the departure times, and went to the airport in shifts. My flight out was at 3:00PM, and after another nice, easy flight, I landed in LA around 4:30. I called Denise immediately (we missed each other like crazy) and told her all about the trip as I was searching for my bag. I realized I had gone the wrong way, turned around, and there she was on the phone with a BIG smile on her face holding a coffee bean for me. She knows the way to my heart... caffeine. :)

I spent Sunday evening laying in bed watching bad reality television because really, that is all my mind could handle. It was a fun weekend, but it was nice to be home. Now I must used these next few months to recover and get ready for the wedding weekend in Chicago. Wish me luck!