Girls, Girls, Girls

Last weekend was Maliah's bachelorette party, which was an extravaganza at her mom's house in Phoenix, AZ. I arrived Friday evening after an extremely fast and easy plane ride from Los Angeles. About 20 girls or so descended on the house for the festivities, and they had prepared with numerous air mattresses, copious amounts of liquor, and LOTS of guacamole. Friday night was spent coordinating the airport pick-ups for all the girls, and meeting and greeting for those of us who had not met before. The moment I stepped into her mothers kitchen (of her gorgeous 5 bedroom 5 1/2 bath house), a margarita was thrust in my hands. I should have known that the night was going to end up bad when my food options were a flour tortilla with quac and salsa inside, and some berries. You would think I would have slowed my drinking knowing nothing was really in my stomach to absorb it, but I soldiered on consuming 2 margaritas, and then switching to vodka cranberry which is always a dumb move. I ended up calling Denise from the couch in her mother's living room, and then just never got up. I woke up there the next morning with a random blanket over me, and another girl asleep in the chair next to the couch. It was a bangin way to begin the weekend.

Saturday we all headed to the pool. Some sat in the sun, while others (like myself) stayed under the shady shelter. I was a bit hung over, and so tired because all the margarita mix in my body woke me up at like 8:15 that morning. Someone brought out champagne, but I couldn't even think about alcohol at that point, and only wanted some food. I was STARVING. I went back to the kitchen and found a large container of veggie burgers. I microwaved one for myself and topped it with, once again, quac and salsa. It tasted so good and helped to ease the rumbling and gurgling in my stomach. I hung in for a bit longer, but finally at 2:30 I went for a nap knowing there was a fun-filled night ahead, and I needed to be conscious. Maliha woke me at around 5:00 to let me know the live singer had arrived. Yes, we had live entertainment. Maliha's mother, Karen, had been at a charity event in Phoenix, and this man had entered himself in the auction, saying he would come to your house and play live music. I guess no one was really bidding, so her mom bid out of sympathy, and low and behold, won. What better occasion to have this man come and play his acoustic tunes than a bachelorette party. Honestly, I enjoyed his renditions of Paul Simon, John Denver, and other easy listening artists, and I MUCH preferred it to the live entertainment that came next.

From what I gathered, the story was Maliha did not really want a stripper, but her friends wanted her to get one. So, she made all these ridiculous requirements for the stripper she did want, knowing it would be near impossible to find. He must be attractive, be intelligent, be able to carry on a conversation, etc. Well, her friends told her later they had found this man (although I'm still not convinced he met these demands ). I was told he is not really a stripper, but is a "male model," cute and knows stuff about NASA. Do not ask me, I was not involved in this process. The guy shows up, and it's pretty awkward. He looks like a douche to me (Hollister type t-shirt, true-religion jeans, and white loafers, ugh) and I doubt he knows a lot about NASA, but I never confirmed this suspicion. Then, someone announces we are going to draw him... at this point I realize I'm in some straight girl nightmare, and I cannot run (ok, that's dramatic, but I should have been more drunk at this point than I was). He takes off his clothes, except for a small bedazzled g-string, and wouldn't you know it, he has a BELLYBUTTON RING!! Every person I have told this too, automatically says gay, but I think he's just that much more of a douche.... I have no other words. Maliha sits next to him on the couch and I think attempted to have a conversation while he is lounging in his pose, but she is pretty much slurring at this point so who knows what was said/understood. I love drunk Maliha, it provides for so much comedy and memories.

After the "drawing," the music starts to play and he proceeds to do very awkward lap dances for the girls. Oh, I forgot to mention he won't allow any pics because he doesn't want these on the internet because they might hurt his "modeling career." hahaha! I can only laugh. It was so weird because he's just some dude, who's not a stripper, pretending to be a stripper, but is doing it really badly. When it was finally all over, and someone announced the cabs were there to pick us up, I was so relieved and thankful that I had avoided being shoved into that lap dance chair. The cabs took us to Scottsdale, an area in Phoenix that is packed with bars/clubs. We bar hopped, drank, danced, and everyone was having a pretty good time, but when we decided to enter a 3rd club, poor Maliha was stopped at the door. The guard saw her staring at him with those glazed over eyes, swaying back and forth, and decided she looked drunk off her ass (and he was right). I guess he asked her if she was drunk, and all she could do was say yes because at this point, there was no sense in trying to deny it. It was awesome. After everyone found out Maliha was being held outside, most of us decided to just go home. Most people had been drinking pretty much all day, and had reached their max capacity of alcohol. People raided the kitchen when we returned (I of course had quac and salsa), and then passed out various places around the house. I actually made it to my bed that night, so I was proud.

Sunday morning people emerged slowly from their sleeping nooks, and you could tell that everyone had lost their steam. It was time to go home. People gathered according the departure times, and went to the airport in shifts. My flight out was at 3:00PM, and after another nice, easy flight, I landed in LA around 4:30. I called Denise immediately (we missed each other like crazy) and told her all about the trip as I was searching for my bag. I realized I had gone the wrong way, turned around, and there she was on the phone with a BIG smile on her face holding a coffee bean for me. She knows the way to my heart... caffeine. :)

I spent Sunday evening laying in bed watching bad reality television because really, that is all my mind could handle. It was a fun weekend, but it was nice to be home. Now I must used these next few months to recover and get ready for the wedding weekend in Chicago. Wish me luck!

Gibbons are a Type of Ape...

This is one of the many facts I learned about Gibbons this past weekend. Denise found out about a fundraiser for the Gibbon Center in Santa Clarita, so we decided to actually wake up quite early on a Saturday to go out there and show our support. Our friends Cathleen and Rhonda joined us for the adventure and said it was the single most amazing moment in their lives (well, I'm exaggerating, but it was pretty damn cool). The Center studies the Gibbons to learn about their behavior and reproduction patterns, in the hopes of saving the species and preserving them in the wild as opposed to keeping them all in zoos.

They provided a vegan breakfast which involved tables and tables of food such as granola, bagels, soy cream cheese, soy yogurt, soy milk, almond milk, rice milk, fruits, veggies, oatmeal, some sort of potato/bean dish and much, much more. It was like a feast made especially for me. :) After breakfast, the scientist/founder of the Gibbon Center spoke to the attendees and answered any questions people may have. Some of the interesting things I remember are Gibbons are monogamous, fiercely territorial, come in 15 different species (although he may have proof there are 16), and are highly endangered in certain areas of the world. He said that they attempt to keep the ones from the wild and their offspring as free from human interaction as possible, in the hopes they can reintroduce them into the wild eventually. It would not be advantageous for them to trust humans, because then poachers would find them easy targets. Still, some of the more rare Gibbons have come from zoos in China where they were humanized, so he said they do not know if they are Gibbon or human. I'm not sure how the Center keeps the wild Gibbons wild since they are cared for by humans and fed by them, but I am confident this guy knows what he is doing. For more information on the Center, here is their website. http://www.gibboncenter.org/

After listening to the question and answer phase for awhile, Denise and I decided to wander around the area and look at all the different Gibbons. To watch them swing from branch to branch is pretty awe inspiring, and I'm constantly amazed at the seeming awareness and human like characteristics of apes/monkeys in general. One cute moment was when a toddler Gibbon started performing and wanting to play with the children that were looking at him. He was spinning around, jumping, and climbing on the cage. It is like the Gibbon knew these were small creatures that might be willing to romp around with him.

The final highlight of the morning was when the Gibbons decided that they would start performing the territorial call which they are famous for. Since we were surrounded by different species of Gibbon, each call was a bit different. I really cannot describe what these calls sounded like, but they were unlike anything I have ever heard come from an animals mouth. At times it was so loud you had to yell at each other to try to carry on a conversation. Denise got much of it on video, and we have been trying to upload it online to send to people. If we can accomplish this, I will post it on here.

We left hot, covered in sand (it was damn windy), and incredibly happy that we made it out of bed to support this cause and see this wondrous display. Gibbons rule!

Dinah Shore Recap

Dinah Shore has once again come and gone. Denise and I had a great time..... organizing our room!! Sadly, Denise and I did not make our way to bikini clad ladies in the sun, but instead decided to stay home, save the money, and get our room picked up and more zen like. We had actually intended to go, but then at the last minute decided it was just too expensive and could not justify spending all the money on girlbar in Palm Springs. I still have the same feelings I did last year about the exploitive nature of that weekend, and the ridiculous money they take from these lesbians just for a glance at a cute girl in hot pants. I realize that these women have the free will to pay, but my argument stands that they are using the fact that lesbians lack these types of events in other cities to take their money at top dollar. I was told that to get into the dance party at night, it was $90.00!!!! Anyway, I went into this rant last year, so I will stop now before my face gets too beat red.

Despite all that, I was a little sad not to be going because our friends Shannon and Noa had never attended the Dinah, and I thought it would have been fun to be with them for their "first time." As I said, Denise and I spent the weekend getting rid of a lot of unnecessary crap, going through our storage unit, and just chilling with our neighbor boys as well as Lindsey who is in town. It was nice and relaxing, but we did miss our ladies terribly. We felt better though when the reviews of the weekend were less than stellar. Common complaints were WAY too expensive, crappy music, overpriced drinks, and of course, the lack of our presence. ;) We missed everyone, and they missed us, it was a love fest all around. :)

The consensus seems to be that if we attend again next year, we will all rent some sort of house together, bring our own drinks, our own music, and if we attend any parties it will purely be on a sneaking in/splitting bracelets basis because Dinah ain't worth the money, and I intend to stick it to those ladies any way I can. :D That's right, I said it... TILL NEXT YEAR!!