Halloween Weekend

So this last weekend was of course full of pre-Halloween fun. Two parties, two nights, twice the craziness.

Friday night Laura had a Halloween party at the fabulous villa. It was all decked out with wispy spiderwebs, ghoulish masks, burning candles, and dead things. PERFECT party spot.

The usual kids were there, along with some new faces, but it was a great night with a dash of randomness thrown in.

Occurrences included one couple claiming that the bottle of wine that Justin was pouring into his 7-11 Big Gulp was $100.00 bottle (which we now suspect was bullshit) even though it was on the communal liquor table, a lesbian with a sneezing fit and beer hidden in a fountain, and a gay man fresh out of the hospital with a tube coming out of his chest (yes, a real tube into chest, not an elaborate costume). Denise and I awoke Saturday morning and probably spent a good hour talking about all the weird shenanigans of the night. I call that a successful soiree.

Saturday night, it was off to a party in North Hollywood put on by gayboymansion productions. I went to a party of theirs 2 years ago when they lived in West Hollywood, and it was great. They had a pirate theme, and spared no expense. This year, the theme was Alice and Wonderland. The guest list had increased tremendously since the party I had attended a few years earlier, and due to the location of the party, the promoters decided to have us shuttled in. Denise, Phil, Justin and I all carpooled to the valley, but before we left Vince took a group shot which I have placed above. Yes, that's Phil, and he is frightening....

Anyway, we got to the valet/shuttle spot to await our chariot. As we sat there, more and more people started to arrive. We were first in line, and the group started to file in behind us. After about a half hour of waiting, the shuttle finally arrived. Much to my shock, the people behind us started to pile in. I was outraged! We had been standing there longer than any of them, and they completely disregarded this fact. I think someone literally said, "Fuck this, let's get a cab." We got the address from the bus driver and off we went. Other people had the same idea, and several of us stood out on Ventura Blvd. yelling at every cabbie that passed our way. Finally a van stopped to pick us up and off we went.

After getting a bit lost in the hills, we found the house! I must say, these boys outdid themselves once again. The decorations were elaborate, animated, and you truly felt like you had been plopped into a wonderland. I even noticed upon leaving the party that they had Alice's face in the window, and blow up hands outside the house to recreate the scene from the movie where she grows gigantic in the rabbits house (it's been awhile, but I think she eats something?)

Yet, despite the decor, after all the drama of getting to the party, my patience was a bit thin. Then, even though the invite said liquor provided but donations accepted, the bartender at the party made us pay for drinks. I had sincerely intended on donating, but I had not brought enough cash to pay for drinks all night. Finally, there was only 1 bathroom in the house for hundreds of people, which equaled Denise and I in line for the bathroom with an annoying straight man for far longer than we would ever choose to be. After that, what little excitement I had left exited my body, and I was just tired and ready to go home. We rounded up the troops (the brits and some other friends met us there) and headed out to wait for the shuttle to get back down to our cars. Oh joy.

After waiting for about a half hour as we had before, the shuttle arrived. Again, the people in the back of the line rushed the van, and we in the front were left with our mouths open steaming inside (well, at least I was). I could not believe the injustice that was happening before my eyes.

After that, I decided I would absolutely not miss another shuttle. I was tired, my feet hurt, I was sober, and I just wanted to go to bed. Time passed, and I waited to see the headlights of the van coming up the hill. I was ready. Suddenly, I saw the lights and focused on the van. It pulled up, the doors opened, and the people in the back started to make their way in. I saw a break in the crowd and I shoved my way ahead. I was an insane woman and no one was going to stop me. This little pushy gay boy was trying to get in front of me, and I would not have it. I think I was yelling, "Get back! We have been waiting for an hour! Get to the back of the line!" He was trying to fight me, but my superhuman strength would not allow it. Also, the guy helping the run the shuttle agreed with me and told the boy to get back. I launched into the bus, and then leaned back out the doors yelling, "Step back! My friends are getting on this bus too!" The look on everyones face was, as they say, priceless! I looked in the direction of my friends and cried, "Get on!" They obeyed, and once the doors were shut, they all cheered and we made it off that damn hill.

Later when I got into bed, and my head hit the pillow, I smiled to myself and did not regret for one moment what I had done. Happy Halloween y'all!

Reality Check

TILA TEQUILA

I was going to write about my drunken exploits from last weekend, but the story sadly seems familiar. Friday night, getting ready to go out dancing, little food, cheap drinks, and a night ending with me being aided to a cab by Denise and 3 body guards sick as can be. Embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing....but I'm not going to write about that.




NEW YORK (yes, that's her name)

Instead, I have decided to ponder what seems to be a strange addiction of mine which I can't quite seem to get a handle on.... my addiction to really bad reality TV. I just can't explain it. My scholastic, philosophical side is confused by the ridiculous episodes I subject myself to. My constant awareness that instead of reading Sartre, Dickens, or even David Sedaris to enrich my mind and emotions, I'm sitting in front of a television fixated on the gender stereotypes being perpetuated by Tila Tequila or the latest smack down between two men trying to win New York's heart.



The list of reality television that I watch is too long for anything other than a master thesis, so I'll name one that I have recently become infatuated with, and a few old standards that I just keep going back to.



A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila

When I first saw promos for this show I thought, "Ugh, you have got to be kidding me." I should have known then that I would end up watching the show, because this is generally my initial reaction to things I end up becoming addicted to. This shows basic premise is that Tila Tequila, who is a former Maxim model and most famous Myspace personality (see has like 2 million friends!), is bisexual and has brought on men and women onto the show to compete for her love. The kicker is, none of them knew this going in. In the first episode, Tila meets with the men first, and then with the women, each group thinking they are just competing against their own gender. However at the end, Tila throws a pool party (of course) and invites the men and women. The men arrive first, hooting and hollering at Tila Tequila ready to get this party started. Just as things start to get worked up, the women walk in. Both groups look totally and utterly confused. Tila then announces she "is a bisexual" (which as many bi/lesbian publications have pointed out a bisexual would never say, she would say "I'm bisexual," but I'll just overlook that detail). As you can guess, since then the show has been filled with ridiculous "bonding" activities for Tila and her suitors, PLENTY of drama, fights, gratuitous making out, and "fondling." It is for lack of a better word, insanity.

I Love New York 2

Yes, you read that correctly, this is the second installment of I Love New York. Ms. New York believed she had found love last season, until the man she chose saw a video of her bashing his mother, and "his love for New York" turned into an enraged bitch fest on national television. New York was back to the drawing board and has invited a whole new batch of men on this season to win her heart. Every episode there is a competition for the men to prove themselves to New York, as she sits back with her fake boobs up to her chin sipping a glass of champagne. The men fight each other, degrade each other, and even, as indicated from a preview, spit in each other's faces. Priceless.

Little People, Big World

Little People, Big World is most certainly not some drama filled love fest with little people, but is instead a wholesome show about The Roloffs. The Roloffs are a family who live in Oregon on acres of land covered with ghost towns, tree houses, and a pumpkin patch. The parents, Amy and Matt, are both little people (formerly known as midgets or dwarfs for the uninformed:) who have 4 children. They have twin boys, Zach and Jeremy, but one is little and the other is average height. Their two other children, Molly and Jacob, are average height as well. The show basically just chronicles their everyday life. Family vacations, the kids struggles at school, Amy getting pissed at Matt, Matt's work, life on the farm, and on and on and on. You watch this family have the exact same issues as any other family, the only difference being that some of them are little. Seems exciting?! Not really, but I am glued to that television every Monday (and have been for the last 2 seasons) to watch what the Roloffs with do next. At one point there was a tragedy with a pumpkin throwing apparatus Matt had built, and I felt like members of my own family had been injured (ok, maybe that's a bit extreme, but I was saddened.)

These are just a few of the shows that I consistently watch, and feel the need to tape if I am forced to leave my house on a week night. Why do I care? What possibly drives me to keep watching this idiocy over and over again? Is there ANY value to television shows like this? These are the questions I ask myself over and over again.

Perhaps this is rationalization, with a hint of delusion, but I really think there is something I gain from watching these shows. For one, they are a major stress relief. I do not need to use one ounce of my brain power to watch these shows. I sit back with a glass of wine, and wait for the lunacy I'm about to see with a strange feeling of anticipation. Once it begins, I laugh, shake my head in disbelief, and am constantly shocked at the actions/words coming out of these people's mouths. Which leads to another point, the study of it all. I almost feel like a sociologist watching some elaborate experiment which constantly brings new insight into human interaction. Whether I'm learning what happens when you place a group of people competing to gain the heart of another in one house, or just how families interact on a daily basis, I feel like I'm gaining secret access into people's lives. The reality is I'm sharing this experience with millions of others, but it feels intimate none the less. Finally, these shows really make me realize just how many idiotic people there are out there living in this world, and I appreciate the semi-normalcy I have in my life. It makes any kind of family issues I may have seem like a cake walk, and that is a nice feeling.

All in all, are reality television shows essential to my life? Of course not. Still, I don't think they are going anywhere, and instead seem to be increasing exponentially. I think the reason is simple, people love to watch other people's shit go down on camera. So, enjoy the ride. :)

Feel free to comment with any reality shows you just can't seem to do without.

Hot Springs!

This last weekend Denise and I went to the Deep Creek Hot Springs in Hesperia, CA with our friends Noa, Crystal, and Shannon. Crystal has been there several times, and Denise and I went for the first time last year over labor day weekend, so it has been over a year since we did this trip.

How it works is the actual hot springs are in the middle of the desert after about a 2 mile hike. So, this guy named Mike who owns a ranch there allows people to camp on his land for $10.00 a night. There are camp spots all around his property to choose from.

We left LA at about 9:00 PM Friday evening (we had planned to leave at 7:00 of course, but 2 hours late isn't so bad) and arrived in Apple Valley, which is the last town before you head out into the desert, at around 10:30. We stopped at a grocery store to get some more firewood, liquor, and toilet paper... the essentials. As Shannon, Noa, and myself entered the store we noticed immediately that some of us were not like the others. The stares began immediately, and I started to feel an urgency to get what we needed and get the hell out of there. I'm not sure what exactly set us apart from everyone else, but perhaps it was the fact we had teeth, hair, and were three girls with no babies or men. I can imagine what an unusual sight we must have been. The creepiest family in the store consisted of a very large man in an electronic cart which propelled him around the store. He had a shaved head on top, but left in the back of his head a round circle of long blond curly hair, which went down his back, and was tied with a rubber band. As I said to Denise later, he did not appear to be a monk. He was accompanied by a girl with very badly dyed orange hair, black tight black pants/shirt, several facial piercings, and the most miserable, sad look on her face. She was with what seemed to be her boyfriend, and another kid (her brother?) with a shaved head and an inability to talk. All he did was stare at us continually, and when I mean stare, I mean stare. It was very eerie and I felt at some point our world would suddenly change to black and white with the announcement coming over the store speakers that we had officially entered the twilight zone. I just tried to focus on "Waiting for a Star to Fall" by Boy Meets Girl which was blaring throughout the store as we shopped (Which incidentally was my favorite song in grade school and played another time in my life when I was afraid, the first time I got my ears pierced. Weird huh?).

After making it out of the store unscathed, we hopped in our cars to make our way to the ranch. We noticed at this point it was getting pretty cold out, but we were confident that our fire, tents, and sleeping bags would keep us warm.

We arrived at the ranch at about 11:30, paid our dues, and actually camped in the exact same spot we were at a year ago. Everyone worked on setting up their tents and felt the need to keep layering on more clothes, hats, etc. It just seemed to be getting colder and colder. It became number one priority to get a fire going, and after some gathering of brush, paper and a fire cube provided by Noa, we were successful. As we huddled around the fire, we began to notice that certain items we had brought with us actually had frost on them. Eventually, it was so cold that I couldn't even bring myself to go to the bathroom before getting into our tent for bed. The thought of dropping my pants, and that cold hitting my already freezing ass, was pretty much unbearable at this point, so I decided to just hold it. We got into our tents shaking, shivering, and miserable. Now, Denise and I have sleeping bags that say they are for zero degree weather. I don't know what zero degree weather they are talking about, but I was fucking freezing all night long. My feet would just NOT warm up. I tried rubbing them together, I tried to hold them as close to my body as possible, I took my socks off and and alternated them on top of each other, and I eventually found a hand warmer that I shoved down there to try to make some heat. Nothing worked. At some point during the night I heard Shannons' car turn on. I learned the next day that she had rushed out to sleep in her car and turned it on to try to run the heat. She was soon joined by Noa and they spent the night in the car. In the end, I MAYBE slept 3 hours. I was told that the next morning, Noa and Crystal emerged from their sleeping spots only to stare at each other and hug. It was a, "We survived the night hug," and I'm sure it was a touching moment.

Eventually we got up, and shared our mutual horror of the night. After some breakfast and packing we started the hike down to the hot springs. The hike on the way there is pretty much all down hill (yes, that means the way back is uphill:) so it wasn't bad. When we got there we claimed a spot, ate some food, and Noa, Crystal, and I proceeded to take our tops off (did I mention the hot springs are clothing optional?) and make our way to the pools of heat. To get to the hot springs, you actually have to walk through a small river, so that was pretty cold, but it was worth it once you sat in the wonderful warmth of a spring. Now, in the first pool there were two guys. They were pretty nice, one was a bit of a perv, but there always seems to be a few of those there. Soon, we made our way to the uppermost, and hottest, pool. When we got in it was just us ladies! It was the perfect temperature, and we all just sat there enjoying this beautiful spot. After a few minutes, a beautiful white dog came over to us, and he was accompanied by his owner. The guy seemed creepy almost instantly. He had two fairly large gashes on his face (which looked very recent), a knife was strapped to his left thigh, and an axe. He said to us, "I hope you aren't staying at Bowen Ranch," which we were. When we asked why, he tried to tell us that at least 14 people a year disappear there, and then their abandoned vehicles are impounded making money for the ranch, and the bodies are never found. It was all very strange, and he seemed like the crazy killer, not the ranch owner. After that we left that pool as quick as possible and made our way back to the beach where our stuff was. The rest of the day we relaxed, tried to avoid that man, and watched all the people which made their way to the hot springs. We met another couple that were staying up at the Ranch as well, and they said that the crazy man had told them a similar story, but had thrown in that they have been targeting minorities as well (because these two were African American), nice huh?

At about 5:00 we made our way back up the hill. The hike wasn't too bad, and we all made it back to camp with a killer appetite. Shannon had made chicken, beef, and tofu kabobs for dinner, and she and Denise cooked them while the rest of us got the fire going. At some point we decided that the smartest thing to do was for all of us to pile in one tent so that we would utilize body heat to keep each other warm. Also, Shannon had heard from a friend that when you are sleeping in cold weather, put rocks by the fire to warm them up, and throw them in the bottom of your sleeping bag to keep your feet warm. So we all had our little rocks warming up by the fire. At about 10:00PM bed called us.

We stuffed our air matress, and stacked two others on top of each other, in our tent. Then, we piled up all our sleeping bags, blankets, etc. on top of that. Finally, we each had our warm rocks by our feet. It was hilarious. Here is a picture of us all packed like sardines in the tent. Seriously, Denise could barely zip the tent up because it was stretched to the limit. However, I must say, IT WAS SO WARM IN THERE! All our effort paid off in the heat department, and we all kicked ourselves for not thinking of that Friday night.

So, we all settled in for what we thought was going to be a good nights sleep. I actually did fall asleep pretty quickly because I had my headphones on with the sound of the fan (that Denise recorded for me for when we camp, SO sweet) lulling me into a coma. However, the rest of the ladies were kept awake by what I heard was a roaring wind that would rustle the other tents around us, and it unfortunately sounded like footsteps around our tent. Creepiness! I woke up at about 4:30 AM with an extremely full bladder and a sore back because I was squished all night between Denise and Shannon (did I mention that when we, which was really I, organized the tent for us to fit in, we were heading down hill? Smart, I know). Noa and I ran out into the cold to pee as fast as we could (of course Denise got a pic, but it won't be going up on here;) before freezing to death. Everyone piled back into the tent, and settled in again. I, however, could not fall back to sleep. As happens in the dark of night, my mind started to wander. I kept thinking of that creepy man, how he had a knife and an axe, how he could easily find his way to our camp cause he knew the terrain, and how all that divided us from a crazy man with an axe was a thin piece of nylon/net tent. Suffice it to say, I was fucking freaked out. After about an hour and a half of trying to sleep, I woke Denise up, asked for the keys to her truck and her ipod, and went to lay in the truck. I watched some TV shows on her ipod and waited for the sun to come up. Somehow I managed to fall asleep again for about an hour or so, and was awoken by Denise knocking on the window. She got in with me and began to tell me how she didn't really sleep because she was creeped out by that guy and was hearing things all night. After a few minutes, Noa was knocking on the window, and she got in. Guess what? She really didn't sleep well either. Shannon was next, same story. Finally, Crystal joined us, and we all realized that once again, none of us got a good nights sleep. This time we were all warm, but were so damn scared that despite our exhaustion, we laid awake thinking of killer man. I guess in the end, he won.... bastard.

We packed up camp that morning in record time, and left the Bowen Ranch beaten down but a bit triumphant for making it through the weekend. In town we rushed to "Its a Grind" for coffees and scrambled over each other for a chance to use a real toilet and wash our hands in the sink. The blackness that came off my hands in that bathroom was a site to be seen.

Once Denise and I were home, we immediately showered and got into bed to try to nap. We had plans to meet up with friends (and our camping ladies) at the Abbey around 3:30. Surprisingly enough, every one of us made it to the Abbey looking clean, but a little rough around the edges. ;) At the table we toasted our survival, and discussed our next camping trip. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but in the end, I will never forget it.

Birthdays and More!

So, when I last wrote, it was a normal Monday in the life of Jen. I went home, watched some television, ate dinner, and was sitting on the couch with Denise when my stomach started to feel unsettled. I decided to go to bed early in the hopes it would settle down. In about an hour I was running to the bathroom... that went on for the rest of the night. I don't think I will eat tofu with broccoli and pine nuts ever again if you know what I mean. ;)

Anyway, I was sure I had food poisoning until the chills/fever/aches set in. I resigned myself to the fact I had the full blown flu. It was awful. I have not felt that horrible in a long time. I couldn't even make it to work Tuesday or Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday I only went in for half days. My body felt so beat down and exhausted. Lucy was SO understanding and even told me to go home when I came into work to rest. She just wanted me to get better. Best. Boss. Ever.

So, on Friday we go up to Sacramento for Denise's Birthday weekend. Great timing for the flu huh? At least by Friday I was eating normal food again and no longer had a fever. We got up there around 9 PM, and some ladies were over at Katy and Becky's house. We just sat around, had some wine, and passed out.

Saturday was the big day. Unbeknownst to Denise, there was a party planned in her honor for that evening, so we had the job of distracting her all day. Becky had come up with the excuse that she had a baby shower to go to at 4 PM. She did a great job, got dressed up and everything. So, after she left, we threw around ideas like going golfing, shopping, etc. Instead, we just ended up going to Costco to get a doggy bed for Baron. Denise kept saying, "Well.... what are we doing tonight?" "Should I call some friends." Everyone kept being very nonchalant and saying that if she wanted to call people that was fine and that we were willing to do whatever she wanted to do. Denise started to get a bit pouty, and while Katy and her friend Sandra decided to go to the grocery store after Costco (of course they were stalling) Denise and I stayed in the car. She was starting to get a bit upset. She didn't really know if she should call people, what was going on, and I think was a bit hurt that it seemed like no one had planned anything. I hated seeing her upset but I knew I had to keep me mouth shut and that in a few minutes, she was going to be a very happy woman. :)

We pulled up to Katy and Becky's house with Denise non the wiser. Everyone had parked down the street, so she didn't see any of their cars. We walked inside and everyone of course yelled, "Surprise!" Denise said she figured it out when she saw the streamers in the house, so really about 2 seconds before everyone yelled. hahaha! It was really fun. Katy grilled steaks, chicken, and a veggie burger for me. :) The food was excellent and everyone sat around talking and catching up. Some of their friends have kids, so they left the party early, while the rest of us set up chairs outside at the table to start a rousing game of poker. The game lasted for hours, Katy was first out as always, and everyone proceeded to get a bit tipsy. In the end, I WON the whole game and walked away with $80.00! It was a good night. After that, due to my drunkeness and still weak body, I stumbled into bed and was out in seconds flat. A bit later I was awakened but two drunks (Denise and Becky) trying to get me to go in the hot tub. I said I only would if Katy did (knowing there was no way) and went back to sleep. I guess they were up for awhile more causing a raucous, but I slept through it all.

On Sunday we slowly wandered around the house and eventually left at around 3:00 in the afternoon to go to Apple Hill. Apple Hill is about a half hour from Sacramento and is known for it's Apple Orchards and the pies that come from them. Did we stop at a little bakery for a bit of pie and coffee? Of course not because there are wineries there too and we needed to get in some tasting before they closed!! LOL We had some excellent wine (a really amazing port that was $30.00 a bottle but totally worth it) and it is quite beautiful in the hills of apples. Afterwards we rushed back to Sac for some sushi because we were all starving. When we got home we were all so wiped out we could barely play a friendly game of poker (Denise is obsessed:) before going to bed at 10 PM!!

Monday was a casual day of lunch and laundry. We left to head back to LA around 4 and arrived at 10. It was another wonderful weekend with those ladies and I think I want to go back for MY Birthday now. Who knows what they will think of for that. :)

Since I was sick last week, and off Monday, this week at work and home has pretty much been a game of catch up. We leave for the Hot Springs tonight (Friday) and come back Sunday morning. Ugh.... I can't wait for next weekend when we do nothing. Will we ever learn....

Stay tuned next week... same bat time, same bat channel. toodles!